


A Starlight in the Gloom

by shotgunsinlace



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Canon verse, Dry Humping, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manga Spoilers, winter weather
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 13:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2813231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shotgunsinlace/pseuds/shotgunsinlace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winter is Eren's least favorite season, especially when he and a recuperating Captain Levi are instructed to hunt game big enough to feed all of Headquarters in a neighboring forest. Things can't possibly get any worse when a snow storm leaves them stranded in a log cabin specifically made for two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Starlight in the Gloom

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [damnbigasstrees](http://damnbigasstrees.tumblr.com/) as part of this year's Ereri Secret Santa! The title comes from a Muse song called "Sing for Absolution" that was a pretty heavy inspiration for the story. Hope you enjoy. ~
> 
> Quick note to say that this fic includes spoilers for both the manga and the A Choice With No Regrets OVA.
> 
> Happy holidays, everyone!

Winter is, by far, Eren’s least favorite season of the year.

He doesn’t mind the snow as long as he isn’t required to plow through it, but duty rarely allows him a break to sit at the windows of HQ and admire the white that blankets the nearby trees. He likes slipping and sliding over the frozen lakes with his squad, and having impromptu snowball fights behind their officers’ backs.

Laundry, general chores and training, on the other hand, is practically impossible.

The way the wind cuts at his face as he flies through the air is painful. Smacking into frosted branches, face-planting into the snow when the 3DMG’s mechanism freezes, and having to stay sopping wet and cold until the day is over… Yeah. Winter is definitely Eren’s least favorite season.

Right now, trudging through snow nearly half-way up his calves, Eren wishes for the sweltering heat of summer.

With an ax over his shoulder, he feels his fingers grow numb through the worn fabric of his gloves. At least he’s no longer shivering, as he had been after riding on horseback for two hours until reaching the mouth of the forest.

“Do you think the path is still there, sir?” Eren asks, standing at a small opening of trees. He raps his knuckles against the flaking bark and notices that there’s a lot less snow within the forest. “The one Sasha mentioned?”

Beside him, Levi seems to shrink further into his jacket. With his hood pulled well over his head and hiding half his face, it’s difficult to gauge any of his non-verbal answers. Then again, Eren muses, it’s not like he can tell much from looking directly at his face anyways.

“Don’t make any noises,” he says, sounding positively livid. “You’ll scare off the rabbits.”

Eren nods his head despite knowing that he can’t be seen.

Horses tied to old wooden posts, they waste no time. They have a job to do, and the grey sky promises yet another downpour.

Fresh from an expedition, Commander Smith had declared that Headquarters should host some sort of party to celebrate the closing of the year. It would be good for morale, he had said, and most of the younger soldiers had delighted in the idea of food and drink. Erwin had promised them plenty of booze through business no one had a right to ask about, but he’d mentioned that meat would have to be put on the table by them.

Sasha had nearly bounced off her seat at the prospect of hunting for food, but Erwin had gently turned her down by saying that it’s too dangerous for her to go unaided.

To Eren, the argument didn’t make a lick of sense.

When it comes to hunting animals, no one beats Sasha’s level of skill and technique. She’s practically the Captain Levi of food gathering.

Why they would send _him_ , of all people, is beyond all reasonable explanation. Why Erwin would send _Levi_ to escort Eren is even more bizarre, especially after the captain had taken a forced shore leave.

Eren frowns at the horrors of the previous expedition. The remnants of Wall Maria are terrifying enough on its own, but a run without Levi had left them all shaken and perturbed. The number of casualties had skyrocketed.

Careful to not scare off any potential prey, Eren keeps two steps behind Levi, dodging the lower branches and mindful not to slip over rocks. It’s colder within the trees and Eren is torn between relief and annoyance. But he’d much rather face the cold than slosh through deep layers of snow.

Levi moves near soundlessly, keeping a sharp eye on the ground for any possible tracks.

“Wouldn’t it be great if we found any deer?” Eren says, wanting to fill the stagnant quiet only perturbed by far off crows. “Sure beats having to get a sack full of rabbits.”

“Hm.”

“Rabbit stew is pretty good, though.” The promise of warm, heavy stew makes his mouth water. “Maybe someone can bake fresh bread. I wonder if there’re any spices to be found in the woods.” Levi doesn’t reply, just heads deeper into the forest. “Maybe I should carry that pack for a while.”

“Eren,” Levi warns in the same monotonous tone he always uses. “I’m fine. Don’t even fucking try to baby me.”

_I’m fine._

Eren doesn’t doubt that Levi can push on, ignoring the unnamed calamity that befell him two months ago, but he can’t believe that Levi is fine. Under his gloves Eren knows are bandages that hide away healing skin. He can see it in his limp, in the way he favors his left arm while being right-handed, and in the way he shies away from direct sunlight.

Levi is far from being fine after being bed-stricken for four weeks, spending most of the days in feverish, fitful sleep. It had been heartbreaking to see his captain attempt and fail something as simple as standing on his two feet.

For two very long months, the entirety of the Legion had held its breath, bracing for the worst.

The worst had never come, and Eren felt like crying when he witnessed Levi being rolled out into the mess hall in a wheeled chair Hange had constructed for him.

Erwin may try to hide the party under the guise of it being the end of the year, but Eren is pretty sure what the real reason for it is.

“Isn’t it heavy?” Eren asks, quickening his pace to not fall behind.

Levi doesn’t answer and instead adjusts the rifle in his hands.

The obscure path leads them deeper into the woods, across a frozen creek and barren fields. The wind that cuts through the trees feels colder than the wind he had felt at the posts, forcing Eren to bring the scarf around his neck closer to his face and ears.

As far as the eye can see, white splashes over brown surfaces. Simple yet beautiful, Eren guesses he’s at least grateful for the change of view.

The peace is welcome, too. In the absence of the noise that comes from far too many people locked in the same castle, Eren is able to think. He’s able to breathe in the crisp air and let his thoughts roam into territories he would otherwise be too self-conscious to entertain, out of fear that someone could read his mind. As absurd as it is, it’s a very real anxiety that keeps Eren from lingering on inappropriate thoughts.

Not that being outside HQ, in a forest, in the middle of the day means that he’s at liberty to entertain said inappropriate thoughts. He has a job to do. He’s a soldier, and a soldier is always on guard.

Besides, Levi is a whole sixteen feet away from him. Eren would die from the humiliation if he somehow managed to pop a boner.

Eren manages to derail his thoughts towards something safer, like how cute Levi looks all bundled up in his thick coat. Why he would ever use the word cute to describe his captain is beyond him, but it’s overwhelmingly fitting. As fierce and intimidating as Levi is, his short stature and heated grumbles helps Levi to be perceived as endearing during quieter moments such as this one.

Is this all in Eren’s head? Maybe. Maybe he’s hopelessly smitten, but he doesn’t care. Levi is alive and recuperating. Levi cares for him in his own way, however unorthodox and ruled by obligation and duty it may be. That alone is enough to warm Eren’s heart.

As Levi tracks and hunts their prey, Eren keeps three steps back.

What feels like hours later, Levi emerges with four rabbits stringed together and slung around his shoulders. He looks repulsed by it, but says nothing on the matter as he retreats towards the mouth of the forest with Eren in tow.

Four rabbits are nowhere near enough to feed all of HQ.

“Are you sure that’s enough, Captain?” Eren trips over a branch and is grateful that Levi’s back is to him. “It’s still daylight out.”

“Of course it’s not enough,” Levi says without breaking stride. “But there’s a storm coming and I don’t plan on riding back in the middle of a blizzard.”

True enough, as they break out of the woods, the sky has gone an ominous gray. The whimsical atmosphere the snow-covered land had just hours ago has turned foreboding.

“We can’t head back with just _that_.” Eren doesn’t mean to whine, and he flinches when Levi turns to him with a flinty glare.

“We’re not,” he assures him, removing the rabbits from around him as he approaches his horse. He’s almost knee deep in snow. “There’s a cabin nearby. We’ll spend the night and then come back in the morning to scour for whatever’s left after the snowfall.”

The reason for the heavy packs finally clicks. Levi expected this would happen, so he packed for a two day trip, maybe even more.

Without being asked and risking a reprimand, Eren helps Levi remove the pack and strap it onto the horse. The help is apparently welcomed however, and Eren keeps his distance to not upset him further.

Neatly set, the two of them set out in the opposite direction of HQ.

•••

The cabin is a lot larger than Eren expected.

Nestled among towering pine trees, the clearing that surrounds it is small and private, granting the illusion of safety from the forces of nature. Beside it is a stable that looks sturdy enough to withstand a storm, so they tie off their horses for the remainder of the evening.

Levi sets on the task of unloading their things, but before that, he throws an ax in Eren’s direction. “You’re on firewood duty,” he says, slinging one of their packs onto his back with ease. “Be quick about it. I don’t want you trailing snow inside.”

Eren nods and wordlessly heads out, stopping only to briefly look back at Levi, who is effortlessly hauling their things inside.

Humanity’s strongest indeed.

Willing his teeth to stop clattering, Eren stays on the outer rim of the woods to make his trips shorter and easier on his arms. 

He’s reminded of the days when he and Mikasa would gather wood for Mom’s stove during softer times when everyone was happy and very much alive. Mikasa would always pack more weight, showing off her freak strength Eren had thought nothing of at the time. He just grew up thinking girls were stronger than boys.

Speaking of Mikasa, Eren is confused and put off by her change of heart during negotiations on who got to take this hunting trip. She had been viciously against it at first, but after what Eren assumes was a talk from Armin, she had stepped aside and warned him to please be safe during her absence. Eren assured her that he’d be fine, especially with Levi riding right next to him.

Looking back and ignoring the anger her attitude had triggered, he can understand her reluctance. No one believes Levi should be on his feet yet. The realization makes fresh bouts of anger bloom in him, this time towards his commander and his constant need to push his weapons to their limit.

Or maybe Erwin is doing Levi a favor, making him shake off the funk of being trapped inside the castle for so long.

Either way, Eren sighs and chooses to focus on his task. The quicker he finishes, the faster he can sit in front of a fireplace and warm up his hands.

•••

Firewood neatly organized beside the fireplace that is far more luxurious than Eren had been expecting, he takes a moment to admire the cozy and not to mention spotlessly clean surroundings. Trust Levi to crack down to business and leave the place sparkling in record time.

Eren gets a fire started and doesn’t remove his heavier layers of clothing until the area has considerably warmed up. 

Animal skins decorate the floors and walls, and the furniture is worn but still comfortable. The windows have been wiped down and he can see both snow and dry trees in the near distance, adding to that muted feeling of comfort bubbling just under his skin.

From what Eren suspects is the kitchen comes the smell of peppermint and other things he can’t name but make his mouth water. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until now.

“Supper is on the way,” Levi says, entering the room with two tin mugs in hand. He offers one to Eren. “When you’re done, go get washed up. There’s warm water over the stove and a washroom in the back.”

Eren takes his mug and quietly murmurs “Thank you, sir”.

Even for Levi’s usual detached demeanor, this somber quietness is leaving Eren unbalanced. He misses the crass language and bad jokes, the liveliness that is so uniquely Levi.

Eren has seen his captain at both his best and his worst. 

He’s seen him take down titans like swatting away annoying flies and come out unscathed. The smugness in his posture when he beats Erwin at chess, his pleased almost-smile when Hange brings him new cleaning supplies, the calmness on his face when he does early morning stretches and thinks no one is watching.

The scratches on his face and bloodied hands, the swollen eye and enraged snarl when he broke Eren free from his chains underneath the chapel. Eren has seen true hatred, loathing, and wrath written across his features.

Then there was the apathy in the face of loss and mourning. That carefully controlled mask of blankness when faced with gut-wrenching grief.

And now there’s this.

This which Eren hates but is at a loss of how to approach it.

For the first time in so many years, Eren can see fatigue and resignation. This isn’t Levi being human, this is Levi giving up.

He looks so tiny as he sits in front of the fire, dressed down to comfortable pants and a soft long sleeved shirt. His bandaged hands grip the mug as if to devour its heat. He’s wearing socks. Levi looks nothing like the man Eren chose to put his faith in.

Wordlessly, Eren heads into the kitchen to finish his tea. It looks like supper will be rabbit stew.

•••

Snow begins to fall while Eren puts on his clothes in a hurry, the cold room threatening to eat away at his warm skin.

He rushes inside and decides to wander around the deeper parts of the cabin when he realizes that there is only one bedroom; not that he should be surprised. 

He wonders who the place belongs to since it’s obviously something that cannot be afforded by the common folk. Hell, not even the officers of the Legion would be able to own it, not after the revolt that left them with even less funds that they originally had.

Eren lingers in the hallway, unsure of where to go and what to do.

There’s too much hanging over his head. Too many things to do for him to just sit in a cabin and wait out a storm. A civil war, titans to destroy, a government to rebuild… _too much_.

Eren feels old because he no longer rushes forth without thinking of consequences. He’s grown tired of feeling useless and now he sits, plans and discusses what to do before taking a single step. Responsibility is a burden he has accepted, along with maturity and the understanding that wars aren’t fought alone. Eren has chosen to take care of those around him, and the decision is proving harder than slaying 15 meter aberrants.

Mikasa, for example, insists on taking care of Eren instead of the other way around. Armin is somewhat easier, but the constant look of worry on his face makes Eren fidget. At the end of the day Eren discovers that the tables had been turned, and that the two of them have been taking care of him instead.

Eren watches his commander’s back, as well as Hange’s.

In smaller ways, Eren makes sure that Jean doesn’t get shot whenever they’re forced into Sina. That Sasha doesn’t forget to have her three meals, that Connie has someone to help him muck out the stables.

All of these little things leave Eren burdened and restless with the fear that it might just stop. They have come so close to the end before; how long until it happens again? Until irreparable damage is done?

Walking into the kitchen, Eren finds Levi dicing up potatoes and throwing them into a pot. He looks right at home, calmer even, as he prepares their meal.

The wind howls outside, and darkness begins crawling up the skeletal trees.

“Make yourself useful and peel those carrots,” Levi says, pointing his knife at a rucksack hanging behind the kitchen door.

Eren does as he’s told. “And the rabbits?”

“In the pot.”

Carrots peeled and chopped, Eren dumps them into the pot as well. “Anything else you need?”

“A backrub, money, a haircut,” Levi says, paying close attention to the potatoes in front of him. His bandages are damp. “There’s a shit ton of things I need if you want me to continue.”

Leaning against the counter and crossing his arms in front of his chest, Eren stares at him. “I can cover two out of three.”

“I wouldn’t let you near my hair if I had no arms and you were the last person in the land.” Potatoes are dropped into the boiling water. “I’d rather risk walking around looking like your sister.”

“Oh, come on. I cut Armin’s hair all the time.”

“I also don’t want to spend my days sporting Armin’s haircut.”

Eren’s mouth twitches into a smile. “You’d look odd.”

“I’d look stupid.” Putting a lid on the pot, Levi adjusts the fire.

Eren watches him move around, making sure that everything in the kitchen is in its rightful place before walking back into the spacious front room.

Levi draws the curtains, blocking out the darkness of the forest and plunging the area into a warm penumbra. A sheet is wedged in front of the door to keep the cold from coming in, and more sheets have been spread out in front of the fireplace. The couch’s pillows have been thrown on top of them.

The crackle of the fire and sound of restless wind lull Eren into gentle thoughts as he stands there, watching Levi prepare the room as if he were ready to woo a lover.

His cheeks warm, but it has nothing to do with the fire.

Those embarrassing thoughts aside, a thought sparks to life in his head.

Eren goes for his pack and rummages through it in search of the small sack Armin had given him, one filled with bandages and ointments in the case of a minor mishap. Eren had given him crap for it, insisting that as a soldier he needed nothing of the kind if he were to scrape his knee or whatever else. Now, he mumbles in quiet gratitude.

He finds it and pads over to the sheets on the floor, kneeling a few inches from Levi who looks at him as if he’s lost his mind.

His captain needs taking care of, too.

Hesitantly, Eren reaches for Levi’s hand and gently clasps it between his own. He refrains from doing anything else, giving Levi the opportunity to pull away if he doesn’t want to be touched, but after several moments of heavy stillness Eren concludes that he’s being given permission.

He sets to work, carefully rolling up the sleeve and unwrapping the damp bandages from around Levi’s hand and forearms. Underneath it hides tiny white lines that stand out against near translucent skin that is off colored in places, small scabs and the remains of dried out blisters.

Eren applies aloe, the cool scent of it nearly wafted away by burning wood.

The pads of his fingers rub in soft yet deliberate circles along Levi’s forearm, making sure to leave no inch of skin untouched.

Wiping his hands on his pants, Eren takes fresh bandages and begins to wrap him back up.

Levi isn’t looking at him, his eyes on the fire but his thoughts elsewhere. His disgust with the ailment isn’t that it mars his physical appearance, it’s because it weakens him. This monster inside of him keeps him from fighting, and that alone is synonymous with Levi forsaking who he is.

Or, at least, that’s what Eren thinks Levi must think. Then again, no one can really ever tell what goes through Levi’s head.

“Why do you insist on fussing over me?” Levi asks, his deep voice rumbling through the pregnant silence. He flexes his fingers while Eren ties off the end of the bandage.

Bringing down the sleeve and putting down the arm, Eren shrugs. “I don’t think it’s something I’ll be able to put into words.”

Levi looks at him, narrowed eyes carefully gauging every shift of his face. “Teenage hormones can only go so far. Are you really that desperate to get in my pants?”

Eren gapes, feeling the tips of his ears burn hot and forcing him to look away. “I’m doing what every other person would do, sir.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m serious!” The exasperation he hopes to convey comes off too skittish, as if he’s trying to hide an age old infatuation and failing. “Believe it or not, all of us were — _are_ — still worried.”

“Like hell I’m letting some freak sickness do me in.” Without being prompted, Levi offers his other arm to be tended to. “So you can quit fussing. It’s annoying the shit out of me.”

Minute smile gracing Eren’s face, he begins seeing to it.

Repeating the process, this time slower and more careful, the silence that settles in is comfortable and only broken by the snap and crackle of the fire.

Eren sneaks glances at Levi, who is once again gazing into the snapping flames, and marvels at the shadows that play across the angles and slopes of his face. His eyes shine orange rather than their pale blue, and his thin lips are pressed into a thoughtful line.

Levi isn’t attractive by common standards, but Eren won’t hesitate to consider him beautiful. 

Strong jaw, thick neck, broad shoulders, big arms. Eren wonders how Levi managed to keep his musculature while being bed stricken for so long.

“You remind me of someone.”

Levi speaks the words so softly Eren thinks he’s imagined them. “Sir?”

“From before I joined the Legion.”

Like lifting a veil, Eren can see the change on Levi’s face. The solid guard chips away, leaving behind a look of nostalgia that is so foreign to Eren he’s ready to ask if Levi’s taken any medication that might impair him.

The image lasts for half a moment however, Levi sharpening his gaze so suddenly Eren nearly jumps out of his skin, swearing that he’s done something wrong. 

“I trust you’re mature enough to understand that whatever is discussed between two people remains between two people,” Levi says, pulling his hand away when Eren finishes with the bandages.

Eren’s attention lingers on Levi rolling down his sleeve. “I’m not a kid.” And he’s tired of Levi seeing him like one. “Your secrets are safe with me.”

Seeming to be debating something, Levi takes an extra blanket and neatly places it around his shoulders. He wraps it tightly around himself, and Eren tries his damn hardest not to coo at how precious a moment this is.

“The closest thing I ever had to a home was shared with another man,” he says, like spitting out the words pain him.

“You mean a lover?” Eren asks before he can stop himself. The glare he gets is so intense he nearly crawls out into the kitchen. “Sorry.”

“More like a business partner. We ran a small, illegitimate venture in the Underground that kept food on our plates and clothes on our backs.”

“What kind of business?”

Levi stares at him and elects to ignore the question. “We shared a neat place for several years, and the shit you’re exposed to on a day to day basis is fucked up.” He licks his lips. “One expects titans to unleash carnage, regardless of what they used to be. But the savagery a human being is capable of is sickening.”

There’s something about the way he says those words that twists Eren’s gut.

Regret.

Eren senses regret and it leaves him stupefied.

“Shitty Glasses once told me that they marveled at how healthy I was able to keep myself, despite being malnourished, due to lack of sunlight. Seeing the sun is a leisure in that hell. A lot of people got sick and died because they were unable to pay the fee to go to the surface, leaving them starved for the nutrients the sun gives.”

“You can’t eat sunlight,” Eren interrupts, confused by Levi’s statement.

“According to Hange, getting sunlight on your skin is equivalent to eating fruit.” 

That bit of information gets stored away in Eren’s brain, interest peaked. He’ll ask Armin about it once he gets back.

“They also said that drinking juice makes your come taste better.”

Eren chokes on his saliva. 

“Your story, sir,” he croaks, words cracking from embarrassment. He really can’t afford thinking about how Levi’s semen should taste like juice, or how he can get to taste it in the first place.

“Hm.” Levi’s mouth almost forms a smile, telling on him that he’s simply teasing Eren. “I would go as far as calling that man my friend, if I’m completely honest.”

“And I remind you of him?” Eren’s chest could burst with the joy of being considered a friend in Levi’s eyes.

“No, you dimwit. Not him. You remind me of a girl.”

Eren deflates. “A girl.”

Levi nods, but the softness around his eyes tells Eren that the story of said girl should not be taken lightly. “A small mess of one, too. Too lively, too much willingness to make the best of what she could in that crock of shit.” Fidgeting with the edge of his sleeve, he cocks his head to the side. “You just reminded me of her.”

Bringing up his knees to his chest, Eren wraps his arms around his legs. He considers Levi for a few moments, trying to decipher what he’s trying to get at. Personal anecdote or not, it isn’t like Levi to dance around a point.

“What does sunlight have to do with anything?” he asks, hoping that he’s not being too intrusive.

“She wanted to see the outside world,” Levi simply says, running a hand over his face. “Got herself in trouble more often than not. Took to the maneuvering gear like it was second nature.”

While his expression remains impassive, Eren can pick up enough of his words to sense a hint of melancholia. The way Levi speaks of them in the past tense gives him a good hint as to where his companions are now.

“If you’re weak enough, lack of sunlight will make you ill,” Levi says, straightening up as if preparing for an attack. “I did everything in my power to get them to the surface.”

“Did you find a way?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” The bitterness is near tangible. “Erwin’s appearance on that day was a convenient coincidence. I saw an out that would spare them both, if only for a while longer.”

“How did they die?” Eren asks, voice unwavering.

To his surprise, Levi remains unmoved.

“During the second expedition outside the walls.” He closes his eyes, thin eyebrows knitting tightly together. “We were good as a team. Even under the torrential rain we were able to bring down five titans in record time, but the smoke signals hadn’t been visible. The ambush threw us all off and by the time I realized what was happening, it was too late.”

The familiar pang of losing friends clutches at Eren’s heart, making him look down.

“That was my ‘moment’, as Kenny called it. I blacked out and when I came to, the entire field was decimated. Erwin didn’t hesitate appointing me to his squad; named me captain the moment he got assigned the post of commander.”

The howl and whistle of the wind outside permeates the moment of absolute silence. Eren feels a lot colder than he did before.

“She may have survived were she not sick.”

This is when Eren finally understands what Levi means.

This is more than just regret, he finds. 

The resignation he sees finally makes sense, the acceptance that he _deserves_ this ailment.

“Don’t you dare think of it as your fault,” Eren says, gathering whatever amount of courage and stupidity he can muster. “You told me yourself that there’s no use in lingering on the whole ‘had I done things differently’ crap.”

Looking disgusted, Levi sneers at him. “I would never fucking insult their memory by saying it was my fault. They were the ones who chose to join the Legion.”

“Then what the hell is the point of the story?!” He doesn’t mean to shout, but he’s exasperated enough to forget himself. “You had friends, right, don’t we all? You’re not even telling me what you did in the Underground, like, I really fail to see the point of this.”

“Your people skills are shit.”

“Yeah, well, so are yours, sir.” Eren presses his lips together, fighting the urge to bite them. “You can’t just rile someone up and leave them high and dry.”

“What were you expecting, exactly?” Levi says, probably holding back the urge to get up and leave.

A lot of things, Eren wants to say, but doesn’t. The implications those four words carry are far too heavy for two people who are simply weathering a storm for the night. Their shared history, despite its seeming significance, is just that: history.

It doesn’t matter how long Eren chooses to wait or what he decides to do, things between him and Levi will never bud further than officer and subordinate. Mentorship is as far as Eren can see them reach, but beyond that all that rests are Levi’s words.

_You remind me of her._

Judging by the way Levi speaks of her, it’s simple to see that he saw the girl as a friend. Or maybe not. The brief hint of fondness spoke of more than just that. Not lovers, but clearly more than friends.

“I don’t know,” Eren answers, scratching his arm.

A tug startles him out of his brooding, and he’s unable to catch himself when he’s yanked forward due to his confusion. One moment Eren is sitting by Levi’s feet, and the next he’s propped up on his hands, halfway on his knees, and far too close to that peculiar, lovely face.

Levi has a hand at the base of Eren’s skull, fingers threaded in his hair.

For a very long moment, Eren fears that his heart might skip up his throat and out his mouth. His elbows might give out at any second, and he tries — oh does he try — to not stare blatantly at Levi’s thin lips. The proximity is too much, and he’s more scared than aroused. It has nothing to do with Levi’s ability to hurt him, and everything to do with the dozens of wings fluttering in his stomach.

Blue eyes search his face almost comically before Levi sighs, closing the short distance to bump their foreheads together.

“What is it you see in me, Eren?” he asks, the honesty in his voice striking a chord deep inside of him. “Clearly there are more suitable suitors for you.”

Eren clenches his jaw because he knows exactly what Levi means.

He wants to pull away but the hand on his head holds fast, keeping him mere inches from Levi’s eerily blank face.

“I don’t want to marry her,” Eren whispers, and he hates how childish the words sound. Like kids playing house in the schoolyard. Never mind that the very fate of humankind rests on this unholy union.

“Let me guess. This is the part where you say something stupid like, say, you want to marry me instead.”

Levi says it so casually, so normally that Eren almost smiles amidst the cold reality of it. “With all due respect, sir. You’d be a terrible husband.”

“That’s what Farlan said. Until Isabel came along.”

Perplexed by the admission, Eren sucks in a breath. “Have you ever been…?”

Levi shakes his head. “Erwin convinced me to marry my job.”

“How’s that going for you?”

“So far? No kids. Therefore, swell.”

This time Eren does smile, absolutely delighted by Levi’s lightheartedness and attempt at humor. The reveal is so precious, Eren can’t find it in him to be dismayed by his twistedly wrong future. “Unfortunately, not all of us share the same willingness to tie the knot,” he says.

Levi hums his agreement. “Need I remind you what our salute stands for?” Eren looks away, not wanting to hear what he knows comes next. “Or did you think that surrendering your heart for humanity would be as simple as losing a limb? You said you’d do anything to annihilate every single one of them.”

“When I offered up my heart, I didn’t think it’d be literally,” he says, finally shifting when the blanket becomes uncomfortable underneath his palm. He sits by Levi’s side, facing him. “I’m starting to think it would have been better for Historia to eat me.”

“It would have been easier,” Levi says with a short nod.

“She doesn’t want to do this either, you know.”

“She took the same oath as you, remember? Historia, more than anyone, understands how dire a situation all of us are in. She’s the reason why you aren’t dead.”

“But…” Eren growls in frustration, roughly running a hand down his face. “If what the kingdom needs is a kid then fine, we’ll fuck and get it over with. The damn thing’s gonna have to eat me anyways, so I don’t get why we have to take the long fucking way and get married and go through all the ceremonial bullshit.”

Movement catches Eren’s eye, and he looks just in time to see Levi opening the cocoon he’s made out of the sheet.

The invitation is a wordless one and Eren hates that his eyes sting at this, his feelings betraying him. Without further prompting, he lets his body fall forward onto Levi’s chest.

Both Levi’s arms and sheet close around him, trapping him in delicious heat that smells suspiciously of lavender.

The side of Eren’s face rests over Levi’s shoulder, and it’s only until Levi shows no hint of disgust by the gesture that Eren decides to wrap his arms around Levi’s midriff and simply cling to him. Tight enough to be felt yet light enough to not cause any harm.

Eren wishes to melt into him, to forget about everything that is wrong with the world, but a realization slithers up his spine and wraps around his heart. Levi is trembling, however lightly, and Eren is sure that it has nothing to do with emotions.

The way Levi’s breathing sporadically ruffles the hairs on his head means one thing, and Eren berates himself for not realizing it earlier.

“You’re in pain,” he whispers, trying his best to be soothing while softly running his palms up and down Levi’s back, the shirt riding up. “Goddammit, you should have told me.”

“What’d I say about trying to baby me?”

“I’m not trying to,” Eren says, petulantly. “Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, you’ve taught us that. You need to get better, and you won’t be able to do so if you keep overexerting yourself.”

“Yes, sir,” Levi says with thinly veiled amusement.

The sheet falls away from Eren’s shoulders and he’s quick to whine about it, but Levi pushing at his chest makes him reconsider.

Eren goes without complaint as Levi silently orders him to lay on his back. The blankets are plush and comfortable underneath him, making a distinct rush of happiness stand his hairs on end.

He doesn’t ignore that Levi is trying and succeeding to hide his pain, and instead tries to gauge what it is Levi wants. Eren can’t choose what’s best, so he will let his captain do as he pleases.

“Levi?”

“I hope you don’t mind me kissing you,” he says, not bothering to sugarcoat his intention.

Stomach making flips and tying knots, Eren tries to unclench his jaw and relax his body. “W-What brought this on?” Damn the stammer.

Not unlike a cat, Levi crawls over Eren on all fours before sitting down on his lower stomach. The sheet is still draped over his shoulder, making him look cozy despite the spark of heat in his eyes.

Levi looks him over, as if trying to decide if he’s clean enough for any of this. He seems to be mulling over something but Eren doesn’t press, allowing him the time and space he needs.

“I haven’t gotten laid in ages and your mouth looks soft.” The words are so sudden that it takes them a while to sink in. When they do, a punch to the chest wouldn’t have left him as breathless. “It’d look pretty around my cock.”

“Oh,” Eren gasps out, instinctively opening his legs. “ _Yes_ , please.”

What he gets, instead, are thin lips that border on rough overlapping over his.

Levi’s kiss is sure and demanding, if a little awkward and unpracticed, but it’s strong enough to make Eren behave himself.

Arms extended by his sides, Eren lets Levi take control of everything, not that he’d have it any other way. He’s made a lifetime out of hosting wet dreams of being topped and dominated by Levi, and now here he is, being topped and dominated by a very hot and very willing captain.

A tongue presses to the seam of Eren’s lips and he opens up, surrendering every bit of himself.

Every stroke and playful lap spreads heat from the tip of his toes to the tip of his ears.

“Should we really?” Eren asks, but Levi makes a sound that lets him know that he isn’t happy about breaking contact to talk. Cutting off any other complaints, Eren distracts him by nipping his jaw and cushioning his lips against Levi’s neck. “You really… really shouldn’t strain yourself.”

“Maybe,” Levi says. He hooks his thumb and forefinger underneath Eren’s jaw, angling his head upwards once it’s back on the floor. His eyes smolder in the firelight. “But I can guarantee you that Miss Reiss is far from maintaining abstinence.”

Eren grins. “Pretty sure she and Ymir are keeping Sina awake at night.”

Levi hums and leans down again, dragging his slightly parted lips up Eren’s neck before taking another kiss. “Allow me to keep everyone awake tonight.”

The sultry words feel like a caress to Eren’s cock. “We’re in the middle of a forest,” he reminds him, lazily pressing their mouths together over and over again in not-quite-kisses. “Who are we gonna wake up?”

Heaven help him because Levi clearly won’t, especially when he grinds down on his hips, bringing their arousals together through the layers of fabric. Eren gasps as he says “I’ll make sure they hear you at Headquarters.”

No other hint needed, Eren grabs Levi’s hips and tugs them fresh against his to alleviate the burning need for pressure. However good the weight feels on him, Eren wants it deposited specifically on top of his crotch. He wants to _feel_ Levi with the same amount of frantic desperation he’s burning up with.

As much as he wants to mouth at Levi’s dick, as much as he’s shaking with the need to be filled up until he bursts from it, Eren wants to get off _now_. He wants to consummate the lust and desire he’s felt towards this man for years in one big bang.

Romance and lovemaking can wait until after they’ve blown their loads and have eaten their supper.

“Juvenile,” Levi rasps, shamelessly humping Eren with the same ferocious hunger. “Wanting to come in your pants.”

“I don’t see you complaining.” The sight of Levi slowly losing his composure is exciting enough to intoxicate, making him brave. “Come on, Levi.”

Surprising him once more, Levi gently traps Eren’s chin within his fingers. His hurried pace hasn’t waned, their lower bodies still locked in a pattern of rolling and rutting, but the way Levi looks at him is uncharacteristically tender.

Air robbed from his lungs, Eren pouts, inviting Levi to kiss him.

Levi does so, bringing up a hand to tangle it in Eren’s hair. “Never forget that I had you first,” he says, digging his nails into Eren’s scalp and pulling at his locks. “Never fucking forget that I claimed you first.”

Back arching from the pleasure the remark incites, Eren squirms. “Yes,” he wheezes, clenching down on Levi’s hips when orgasm licks fire along his gut. “I’m yours, sir. All yours.”

Eren is the first to come with a shocked moan, his heels digging and dragging across the sheet underneath them as waves of bliss pull him apart.

Levi follows shortly after, gasping quietly and trembling.

Touching his shoulder, Eren guides him to lay over his chest, sweat-slicked and underwear soiled. 

Their toes brush together outside the sheet, and Eren wiggles them to try and warm Levi’s own.

The moments that it takes them to even out their breathing are long and enjoyable, pleasant when the only things that interrupt them are the fire and wind. Here, wrapped up in blankets with the smell of food dancing under their noses, Eren vows that he could stay forever.

Basking in the glow, Eren briefly entertains the idea of dropping arms and simply running off with his captain. It would probably be extremely worth it, and not just because of the sex.

Levi is drawing lazy circles over Eren’s chest, occasionally pressing his nose into the fabric of his shirt. Aware that he isn’t dirty, Eren is still confused as to why Levi would want to smell him.

“Someone should check on those rabbits,” Levi says, rather absently.

Someone probably should, but first… “Do you feel any better?”

Levi grumbles, burying his face against Eren’s chest. He feels him nod.

The fact that Levi is a _cuddler_ is making him want to scream to the high heavens in sheer delight.

“You should go get washed up,” Eren says, patting Levi’s back. “Slip into clean clothes and maybe get into bed? I’ll bring you your meal.”

Levi nods his head again, obviously groggy, and Eren beams.

It’s excellent to have finally found a way to make Levi listen to him.

“Don’t get used to bossing me around.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, sir. Now, do as you’re told.”


End file.
